After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
