WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
