I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
