Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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