From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize