A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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