somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
