just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
