My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We need to rekindle our bromance
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
