There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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