I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
