I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
