so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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