Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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