Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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