Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
