Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
