Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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