He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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