I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
