but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize