Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
