i was born a porn star she said
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
