mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
