was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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