so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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