I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
