How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
