Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
