If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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