I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
