if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
