I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
