Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
