I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
being pregnant is like rehab
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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