When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
