you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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