On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
