Apparently you make a good broom.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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