i think my tv is drunk
hell yes lets make some ravioli
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
