So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
