I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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