so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize