last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize