I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
