11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
plz talk dirty to me
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
