if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
