Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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