Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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