One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
