Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
