dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Randomize
