ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
