I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
