I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
