My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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