I should be sponsored by Trojan
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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