I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize