Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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