ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
