I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
