This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
did i just pee glitter
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
