I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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