so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
