areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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