Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
