And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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