So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
