Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
