...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
