I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
