So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize