ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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