I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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