I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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