totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
