My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
