Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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