You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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