We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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