Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
