hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
