It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
