I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
