Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
