You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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