Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Text me some of your sweat
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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