I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
