a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
