I got chris browned last night
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
