2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i need some magic done to my vagina
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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