I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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