I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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