So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
