you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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