My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
