am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
